June 15, 2012


Are you there bloggers?
It's me... Beth.
I've been busy.
And sick.
And busy.
That's my story and I'm ...well... you know.
Stickin' to it.

So baby news first, I guess.
Brian got to hear the heartbeat for the first time a couple of weeks ago.
He says it sounds like a galloping horse.
It's so cute how excited he's getting about this little life.
I love hearing him pray for me and the baby.
It gets more and more real every day.

As far as side-effects... I can't say that I'm experiencing too many.
Except for my ability to deplete water in the blink of an eye.
I also have a terrible memory lately.
I seriously cannot think for the LIFE of me.
Case and point.
Forgetting my wallet when I need to fill up the gas tank.

The sickness is starting to subside,
although my graveyard shifts this past week have not set well with the little one.
More on that later.
I'm not showing a whole lot yet.
It depends on what I'm wearing,
but I just feel like I'm getting fat right now.

I do think I might be a little more emotional than normal lately.
But a lot of that could have to do with the lack of sleep I'm getting.
Actually I'm probably getting more combined hours of sleep
since I've been on graves,
but I don't think two 4-hour naps is the same as 8 solid hours of sleep.

Why the graves?
When I was hired on at KSL,
I was part time/on call.
Part of the reason they needed someone is to help through the summer with 
all of the time-off requests.
Particularly for 2 and a half weeks when the morning producer gets married.
Well... those 2 and a half weeks are here.
So I'm working 2:30a to 10:30a for 10 more days.
But this hopefully won't happen again because....
I'm going full-time with KSL!
 I'm so excited and it's such a blessing.
I will be the night AP and specifically assigned to field producing.
So any of you watching KSL...
come visit me when the anchors go out and about across Utah.
I'll be there... making them look good.

I look back at the past 6 months and I'm overwhelmed by everything that's happened.
The frustration.
The sickness.
The lack of motivation.
The blessings.
 And that's the most important - the blessings.
I've watched my wonderful husband apply to job after job ,
never hearing anything back .
I've bit my tongue and held back on my desire to step in and "fix the problem."
I've stressed over moving away from my parents and how I'd handle it.
And how they would handle it.
I've worried about insurance for out little nugget
and paying for this new life.
I've panicked about my own health, my ability to carry this child
and provide enough nutrition and oxygen for the both of us.

But for now,
I'm letting go of my concerns.
I'm giving trying to give control to the only person who really can control.
Only He knows how to take care of this child.
Only He can teach me certain things about this little spirit.
And only He knows what's to come.

A lot of this hit me when Brian and I went to visit
his brother's gravesite on Memorial Day.
Eric died when he was only 6 weeks old.
I can't even imagine what his mom went through.
I can't think about burying a child so young.
I don't even want to talk about it.
But I got to thinking about how Linda and Russ didn't have a choice.
They didn't ask for that.
I'm sure they didn't want it.
But it happened.
And they learned from it.
In fact,
Brian has talked several times about how what his mom learned through that experience has shaped his views and his outlook on life.
I don't know if I would go as far as saying that it was a blessing,
but it was a learning experience.
And that's what we're here for, right?
To learn.
To grow.
To have experiences.

So I guess,
for now,
I'll just try to grow and learn.
And help my baby grow and learn.
How is it that I feel like I'm the child in this situation?

Love much,